we'd gather around all in a room fasten our belts engage in dialogue

we'd all slow down rest without guilt not lie without fear disagree

It's been 10 years of investment

It's been one foot in and one out

It's been 4 days of ??

and I feel snuffed out

It's been 33 years of restraining

Of trying

if I make a lot of tinsel then people will want to

if I am hardened no fear of further abandonment

if I am famous

I would never have been in such a rush

I would never have tried to control

I would never have worn such 'fear lenses'

I would never have held on so tightly

I would

dear matthew I like you a lot I realize you're in a relationship

with someone right now and I respect

that I would like you to know that if you're ever single

in the future

I went to your house

Walked up the stairs

I opened your door without ringing the bell

I walked down the hall

Into your

Me, and my helmet such an un-conventional kid

All intense and kinetic, at best tolerated from afar

Not yet arrested, and by that I mean betrothed

though

you from new york you are so relevant

you reduce me to cosmic tears

luminous more so than most anyone

unapologetically

dear dar(lin') your mom (my friend) left a message on my machine she was frantic

saying you were talking crazy that you wanted to do away with

Get up, don't get up

I beg you to sit tight

Sweet girl, I'll be a ghost, girl

Forget it, I am fine

If anything, a witnessing

Is all I needed